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People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
—  Russell Baker
What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.
—  Russell Baker
The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings.
—  Russell Baker
Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.
—  Russell Baker
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
—  Russell Baker
Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.
—  Russell Baker
There's so much spectating going on that a lot of us never get around to living.
—  Russell Baker
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
—  Russell Baker
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
—  Russell Baker
The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
—  Russell Baker
Research is a scientific activity dedicated to discovering what makes grass green.
—  Russell Baker
Television was the most revolutionary event of the century. Its importance was in a class with the discovery of gunpowder and the invention of the printing press, which changed the human condition for centuries afterward.
—  Russell Baker
In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.
—  Russell Baker
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
—  Russell Baker
The people who are always hankering loudest for some golden yesteryear usually drive new cars.
—  Russell Baker
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
—  Russell Baker
Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.
—  Russell Baker
Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses.
—  Russell Baker
Inanimate objects are classed scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that don't get lost.
—  Russell Baker

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