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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
—  Wilson Mizner
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
—  Wilson Mizner
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
—  Wilson Mizner
Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor--unassisted.
—  Wilson Mizner
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
—  Wilson Mizner
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
—  Wilson Mizner
Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.
—  Wilson Mizner
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
—  Wilson Mizner
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
—  Wilson Mizner
The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.
—  Wilson Mizner
A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
—  Wilson Mizner
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
—  Wilson Mizner
Life is a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
—  Wilson Mizner
Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
—  Wilson Mizner
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
—  Wilson Mizner

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