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But you think ... that it is time for me to have done with the world, and so I would if I could get into a better before I was called into the best, and not die here in a rage, like a poisoned rat in a hole.
—  Jonathan Swift
She has more goodness in her little finger than he has in his whole body.
—  Jonathan Swift
If they would, for Example, praise the Beauty of a Woman, or any other Animal, they describe it by Rhombs, Circles, Parallelograms, Ellipses, and other geometrical terms.
—  Jonathan Swift
There is nothing in this world constant, but inconstancy.
—  Jonathan Swift
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.
—  Jonathan Swift
I always like to begin a journey on Sundays, because I shall have the prayers of the Church to preserve all that travel by land or by water.
—  Jonathan Swift
Proper words in proper places, make the true definition of style.
—  Jonathan Swift
There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a talking man having nothing to say.
—  Jonathan Swift
It often happens that, if a lie be believed only for an hour, it has done its work, and there is no further occasion for it.
—  Jonathan Swift
That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy.
—  Jonathan Swift
Every man desires to live long; but no man would be old.
—  Jonathan Swift
It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.
—  Jonathan Swift
The reasons why so few marriages are happy, is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.
—  Jonathan Swift
So geographers, in Afric maps, With savage pictures fill their gaps, And o'er unhabitable downs Place elephants for want of towns.
—  Jonathan Swift
Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
—  Jonathan Swift
Men of great parts are often unfortunate in the management of public business because they are apt to go out of the common road by the quickness of their imagination.
—  Jonathan Swift
If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.
—  Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederation against him.
—  Jonathan Swift
If a man should register all his opinions upon love, politics, religion, learning, etc., beginning from his youth, and so go on to old age, what a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions would appear at last.
—  Jonathan Swift
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet. and Doctor Merryman.
—  Jonathan Swift
It is likewise to be observed that this society hath a peculiar chant and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, and wherein all their laws are written, which they take special care to multiply.
—  Jonathan Swift
It is a maxim, that those to whom everybody allows the second place have an undoubted title to the first.
—  Jonathan Swift
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
—  Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
—  Jonathan Swift
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
—  Jonathan Swift
Nothing is so great an instance of ill-manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you please none; if you flatter only one or two, you affront the rest.
—  Jonathan Swift
She 's no chicken; she 's on the wrong side of thirty, if she be a day.
—  Jonathan Swift
And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.
—  Jonathan Swift
It is is men as in soils where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not.
—  Jonathan Swift
The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
—  Jonathan Swift
Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us stronger for the time, leave us the weaker ever after.
—  Jonathan Swift
Lord, I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing!
—  Jonathan Swift
He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers.
—  Jonathan Swift
Do you think I was born in a wood to be afraid of an owl?
—  Jonathan Swift
Argument, as usually managed, is the worst sort of conversation, as in books it is generally the worst sort of reading.
—  Jonathan Swift

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