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Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.
—  George Burns
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
—  George Burns
You can't help getting older but you don't have to get old.
—  George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
—  George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
—  George Burns
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
—  George Burns
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
—  George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
—  George Burns
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
—  George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
—  George Burns
If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
—  George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.
—  George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
—  George Burns
I was married by a judge. I should've asked for a jury.
—  George Burns
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
—  George Burns

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