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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
—  Fran Lebowitz
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
—  Fran Lebowitz
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
—  Fran Lebowitz
Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.
—  Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.
—  Fran Lebowitz
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
—  Fran Lebowitz
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
—  Fran Lebowitz
Randomness scares people. Religion is a way to explain randomness.
—  Fran Lebowitz

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