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Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
—  Earl Wilson
How you use today will determine how tomorrow uses you.
—  Earl Wilson
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
—  Earl Wilson
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
—  Earl Wilson
Poise: The ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
—  Earl Wilson
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
—  Earl Wilson
Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
—  Earl Wilson
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
—  Earl Wilson
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
—  Earl Wilson
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
—  Earl Wilson
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
—  Earl Wilson
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
—  Earl Wilson
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
—  Earl Wilson
For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings.
—  Earl Wilson
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
—  Earl Wilson

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