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He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Life ... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
We all like to congregate at boundary conditions. Where land meets water. Where earth meets air. Where bodies meet mind. Where space meets time. We like to be on one side, and look at the other.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light except for bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didn't know you had a twin brother or sister.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
There is a theory that states: 'If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable.' There is another theory that states: 'This has already happened ... '
—  Douglas Noel Adams
The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phase, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?
—  Douglas Noel Adams
I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor at least no one worth speaking of.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
—  Douglas Noel Adams
In cases of major discrepancy it's always reality that's got it wrong ... reality is frequently inaccurate.
—  Douglas Noel Adams
If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there ... what then? The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of Belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not.
—  Douglas Noel Adams

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