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A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
—  Doug Larson
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
—  Doug Larson
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
—  Doug Larson
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
—  Doug Larson
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
—  Doug Larson
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
—  Doug Larson
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
—  Doug Larson
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
—  Doug Larson
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
—  Doug Larson
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
—  Doug Larson
The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
—  Doug Larson
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend.
—  Doug Larson
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.
—  Doug Larson
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
—  Doug Larson
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enought to know they were impossible.
—  Doug Larson
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
—  Doug Larson
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
—  Doug Larson
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
—  Doug Larson
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
—  Doug Larson
Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
—  Doug Larson
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
—  Doug Larson
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
—  Doug Larson
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
—  Doug Larson
One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.
—  Doug Larson

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