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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
—  George Denis Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose ... it'll be much harder to detect.
—  George Denis Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
—  George Denis Carlin
May evil spirits be confused on the way to your door.
—  George Denis Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
—  George Denis Carlin

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